Everyone should have them!!! Including YOU!!!!

I know that I’ve been MIA for a minute however, there has been a lot going on. First, I want to apologize for neglecting to post on my blog everyday like I promised and secondly, what can I say I didn’t know anyone was checking it like that until I got a couple of hints from a couple of friends…ANYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYWHOOOOOOOOO, today’s topic is STANDARDS, yes you read it right one word, two syllables.

This one word seems to hold a lot of controversy, a lot of hostility and I don’t really understand why…To me standards draw a line that may be invisible to the pursuer, but to the pursuee ohhhh those lines are more visible than an elephant walking down 7 mile in Detroit. Let’s take me for example, I have standards, I mean what woman doesn’t? I don’t care if she’s toothless with 2 strands of hair on her head, she has standards!

My standards aren’t too high and actually any average guy can obtain them. Listen… I’m attracted to men who have their LIFE TOGETHER (job, transportation and a place to lay his head where HE IS paying the rent), meaning you’re working, you know making ends meet. I’m not attracted to men who are content on not making themselves better. A man who has drive, motivation, a sense of purpose! I’m attracted to men who are respectful, considerate, attentive, and funny. I’m attracted to men who put CHRIST first and don’t just “play” Christian on Sundays! I’m attracted to men who are adventurous, spontaneous and can hold an interesting conversation about anything! Oh and a man who takes physical fitness seriously (you don’t have to be a body builder, but come on!), and doesn’t already have an existing tribe (including several kids and baby mamas!!!)

I think that it’s hilarious that men want a woman who has standards BUT when you tell them what your standards are they wanna be the exception to the rule HELL TO THE NAW!!!! That’s not how it works. I was listening to the Michael Baisden show and he said this:

“Ladies, don’t settle for a man has invested less in himself than you have in yourself”


Well that's all for today kids!!! :-)

Today Could Be.....

I got to thinking last night about how sometimes we say things we don’t mean to people we love and we take for granted that they're there for us to call up and apologize. But take a moment and imagine you could not call them up and tell them sorry, what if there were no do-overs.

Imagine if the last thing you said to the people you love or to the people you say you “love” was the last thing you could ever say to them. Imagine the petty things you claim to be “important” were the only things you were left to hold on to. I believe we take life for granted (we meaning me too), what I mean by that is we take the people in our lives, nature, food, water, the ability to have working limbs and senses among other things for granted. We take for granted how precious life is without thinking twice about it and we only notice the beauty of life after its taken from us.

I wonder if we spent more time appreciating those in our lives as well as all of the other things we take for granted would life be as complicated as he perceived it to be. So I guess my advice for you today is appreciate what you have now because tomorrow will be nothing like today….Peace!!!

Soooo u believe love has made u bitter?

On any given day you can ask any random person if they’ve been in love and for the most part they would probably tell you “yes” and if you ask the following follow-up question, have they ever been heartbroken by the person they were in love with? Within a few moments that random individual will probably reminisce for a brief moment and most likely tell you “yes”…

But here’s the thing we often associate love with pain as if they’re a package deal and as much as people would love to blame love, love is not to blame. Let me explain, love in its pure form means to have the ability to reach, understand and secure those you love in your life, it doesn’t mean to become bitter after a break up or refuse to love again.

When we become heartbroken it’s not because love has failed us, it’s because the people we “fell in love” with have disappointed us. We tend to put these unreachable expectations on the people in our lives, essentially setting them up for failure without understanding that they are only human, and like humans we all fall short. However, it seems as if we’ve come accustomed to blaming love for our heartache when love had nothing to do with it. We often confuse love with infatuation and well their not the same….

Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion. Usually, one is inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.

II Corinthians 13:4-6… 4. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5. or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; [2] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

Love, is not wanting to be around someone 24/7, love is not jealous, possessive, abusive, stingy, hardhearted, bitter, forceful, vindictive, revengeful, manipulative, sneaky, deceptive or any other word we try to latch on to validate our feelings for someone. Oh and most importantly love is NOT a FEELING!!!! Yup, that’s right love has nothing to do with how you feel because guess what despite how I feel about my family I still LOVE THEM!!!!

Love is about understanding where someone is in life and that you can’t change them but rather you must reach them where they are while supplying them with the sense of security…

So the moral of this story is simple, when you start getting those butterflies in your stomach or those rose colored glasses you have on are dimming your perception UNDERSTAND it’s not love but it just might be infatuation….cheers!

Have you done your research?

I know I know it’s been a long time coming….Yes I know that I have not been faithfully posting but hey life happens so I digress…

I’ve realized that eventually people will show you their true colors, eventually all the “talk” people speak to camouflage their faults, their actions will soon contradict their words just wait and see. We’re all guilty of this in some sense. However this is particularly noted when a man is interested in a woman and vice versa. There is a lot of talk about how we’re not like this and how we do this and don’t do that but when it comes down to it we conceal our “real” lives, actions and motives to somehow get ahead in the relationship that we are trying to pursue.

In the beginning no one reveals that they might have possessive tendencies, jealously spats, addictions, abusive behaviors, sexual promiscuity, gender role expectations or all of these other preconceived ideologies. For the most part we walk into relationships as if they’re blind dates revealing only their outer exterior until a few months or perhaps years into the relationship.

I’ve come across a new way in exploring the option of dating someone and I have to say its working. 9 times out of 10 we tend to gravitate to people we are attracted to or people we have chemistry with, without doing our research. We become like children again drooling over that huge piece of cake not caring about the many cavities we could receive. This same notion applies with relationships, we become so smitten by the people we like that we simply don’t care about their relationships with their parents, children (if that applies), other people they’ve dated and most importantly their relationship with CHRIST!!!!

We need to STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP take a breath, put our hormones to the side and look at their entire person. View their mannerisms, their temperament, their interactions with other people (not just you), their actions verses their words and PAY ATTENTION TO RED FLAGS. Listen carefully because people will reveal themselves to you and if you’re not paying attention you’ll miss it. This method will help you weed out those that don’t meet the qualifications to date you. I mean think about it if we thought more with our minds then with our hormones we would ALL be in a much better place.

Just a thought, peace, love and take a moment to do your research!

I'm Not a Donkey!!!!

I’m starting to realize that things are not always what they seem and this disturbs me….I thought that I knew some things but I guess that was wishful thinking I suppose. You know sometimes you think that you know someone and then they do or say something that just doesn’t make sense to what you thought you knew of them, if that makes sense….

Sometimes we assume things about the people whom we let in our lives and we only assume because their actions lead us to assume some things about them based upon pervious actions made. However, the rule of thumb for assumptions is “don’t assume because you make as ASS out of U and ME” I guess you can never really know anyone huh?

The moral of the story is this, NEVER ASSUME unless you want to be the ass!

Are You Really Interested?

I don’t understand…well before I jump on my soap box let me tell you why I don’t understand, I don’t understand why men and women play these games with one another. Prime example…what does the statement “I like you mean?”, because I’m not psychic and I only ask what this means because I’m an action person meaning I need you to show me what you mean not tell me. If you like me, show me!

Show me that you’re interested; show me that you’re feeling me. Anybody can tell someone that they like them but what actions have you put behind those words. What good is love if you never show the person you love that you love them? I’m not a complicated woman to figure out, I like to be shown how you feel not just told. It doesn’t take much to please me however it takes much more to keep me interested!!! What can I say I get bored easily and if someone doesn’t think it’s important to hold my interest then excuse my bluntness but I will retire them like an internet game(another game more interesting will pop up on my computer screen eventually)

Now don’t twist my words or misread what I am saying because I know someone will, someone ALWAYS does!! But I’m a woman who likes to have fun, loves adventures, surprises, spontaneous actions and such and if a dude is “interested” like he claims to be than he needs to put forth some effort or I’ll become bored because I am interested in those things I listed above. Now this goes both ways , I mean if I’m interested in a man and I can tell that he’s interested in me than I’ll do what I have to do to keep his interest unless his interest has faded.

So I guess this is a public service announcement, if you “think” that you’re interested in me than please put forth some effort to keep me interested in you, because words are just letter put together without action…..

Happy Birthday! I Miss You!!!!

My mother’s birthday was Sept. 3rd and I was having a rough day, wishing she was here to see how far I’ve come; it’s been 11 yrs since she’s been gone. I miss her so much and the pain hurts as much as it did 11 yrs ago. I cried on the morning of her birthday wishing she was here, wishing she could rub my hair and tell me everything was going to be ok. I closed my eyes, wrapped myself in my comforter and let the memories she and I shared flood my mind. I was hesitant to get out of the bed that morning because I wasn’t ready for reality. Wasn’t ready to face the fact that I can’t celebrate your birthday with you, she would have been 51.

You know the more I think about her, the more I realize how much I miss her smile; the way that it could light up a room. She was the strongest woman I knew after going though being rapped as a teenager, in and out of abusive (verbally and physically) relationships, raising 5 kids on her own, medical issues, financial problems, living in poverty, and a whole list of other things she still had room to smile. Even though times were hard we made the best of them. I remember we would put up this same fake Christmas tree every year and even though there were times more often than not when there wasn’t anything underneath that tree we still had each other.

Not having a mother and not much of a father has made me stronger in some ways but much weaker in others. I never experiences “daddy – daughter” dances or my parents seeing me off to prom, college and then grad school, there were no care packages, no phone calls and I guess after while I stopped looking for them. Living without parents has made me ubber independent, which is a blessing and a curse.

I’ve been scared to love, in fear that the man I will love will leave me just like my father did. I’ve been paralyzed with fear in and throughout life because I am afraid of the unknown and while I acknowledge that fear I often try to block out the other fears that I have. It’s funny how life works sometimes. How strange is it that your life can be turned upside down within a matter of seconds. So I guess living life to the fullest is in order.